No Regrets?

I was talking to a friend recently about the changes he'd like to make in his life. Being much younger than I, he was dealing with things like grad school, work and relationships. I listened to his ideas, and offered up my opinion when asked. His main goal was to live his life with "as few regrets as possible".




I've often heard people say things to that effect. In fact, someone very close to me told me that if he could go back and change anything in his life, he wouldn't change a thing. Considering the unfortunate series of events that happened between the two of us, this isn't just a surprise, it's downright painful to hear.


At this point, I started thinking about my own regrets. I'm at the age where I've already learned from the curve balls life has thrown at me. Realizing this made me reflect back on things in my life that I wish I would have done differently. It was disturbing the sheer number of things that I would change if I could. Relationships, jobs, friends, family, even behaviors were all represented in my list of regrets. Some things were major, life-changing events. Others were innocuous things I wish I hadn't found my way into. For each of these things though, I had learned a very valuable life lesson that I wouldn't ever forget. As I like to say, I learned things the hard way. There were even things that I wish I could re-do, with no idea what I would do differently; I just knew it would be something other what had actually occurred.



After contemplating the regrets for a few days, I wondered why there were so many of them. I'm considerate of others, I'm a hard worker, and I try to treat others as I'd like to be treated. I was brought up with morals and firm grasp of what is right and wrong. Yet still, I live a life with regrets. Why? It slowly became evident to me that my regrets were my own personal barometer that measured right and wrong, wisdom and naivete, and well-thought plans and insanity. The more evident this became, the more satisfied I became with my regrets. I also was able to let go of some of the benign decisions and events. All this contemplating also made me realize that not everything I'd like to take another stab at was regrettable, so I took these things off my "List of Regrets". Of the regrets that remained, each "bad move" served a purpose, thereby dictating that I shouldn't want to do them over, but I knew I would change my actions if I could.



How do others go through life with no regrets at all? Can you ever really learn a valuable lesson if you don't have some sense of regret? If people have no regrets at all, does it give them carte blanche to misbehave? My own morals and integrity say no. But if anyone can teach me how to live life with no regrets, I'm eagerly awaiting your instruction.