Ch-ch-ch-changes

Have you ever realized that you needed to make a change in your life? You know, a change like ending a friendship, getting a new job, or even updating your wardrobe? Every once in a while, we need to do this. It keeps us renewed, replenished and just simply aware of what's going on in our own lives. I decided it's time to make a change, and this is how I come upon this realization.

A co-worker asked me if I'd like to join a few others in drinks after work. I love a good happy hour so I readily agreed. The evening started out simply enough with cocktails celebrating the new Sex and The City movie. They had four signature cocktails inspired by the movie and although I didn't want to try all of them, I certainly was happy to sample a couple of them. And sample I did.

At last count, I had drank five cocktails. Mind you, I lost count at this point and you can bet I probably had more than those five. Two of the others had left and it was just me and the co-worker that had extended the invitation. We made our way over to another spot with drink specials. My memory at this point just stops and I have absolutely no recollection of what happened at the second spot. It returns later in the evening with me standing by the side of the road waiting for the bus. Of course, that bus wasn't coming. It was well after 1am, and they stop running at 12:30am.

I remember sitting to collect my thoughts and see several cabs drive by. That's it! I'll get a cab. My only other option is to walk up the hill, which is the only way for me to get home. There is no way I can navigate the high-grade, extremely winding road. I run across the street where I see the cabs coming from. A car halts directly in front of me.

Two men are in the car and they ask me if I need a ride. I say no, I'm going to get a cab. Apparently, I was quite intoxicated because they continued to ask me if I wanted a ride, even if just to the cab-stand. Once again, I decline. These two gentleman spoke to me in thick Russian accents. I had no idea who they are and I briefly imagine my own death at their hands. I start to walk away when one of them tells me they are genuinely concerned for my well-being. I finally accept.

They give me a ride home, which takes less than five minutes. I ask them to stop at an ATM so I can at least give them some cash for the ride. They do that, I give them $10, I go inside and presumably, they go home. In the morning, I awake to text messages from my co-worker asking me if I made it home alright, am I alive, and "way to disappear". I had no idea what she was talking about. A week or so later, she asked me to meet her at the second spot again, and I had to ask a friend where it was. Despite me being there for a few hours before, I had absolutely no idea where it was.

Folks, this was not good. I drank to excess, so much so that I don't remember a large block of time. I accepted a ride with complete strangers. I'm no spring chicken, I'm a woman by all definitions. But clearly, alcohol wasn't doing me any good. I knew I had to cut down drastically.

Since then, I've gone to plenty of happy hours. But I stop at my four-drink maximum. If I'm with VERY good friends, or my boyfriend, I pay less attention to this number. But when I'm with co-workers or acquaintances, I stick to it with a vengeance. I can't trust myself so I set limits and stick to them. I was told recently that I don't have an addictive personality and I thank heaven for that.

I realized I needed to make a change, and I made it. If I can do inventory on my own life from time to time, or even if something hits me like a ton of bricks, I know I can act accordingly and straighten myself out. Can you?

Weeding the Garden

Yesterday, I got a message on one of those social networking sites. It was from the daughter of a girl with whom I'd gone to high school. I was excited, because I had done a couple google searches of her name but never found anything. We had only gone to high school together for a year before my parents moved me across the country. We remained in touch throughout the years, but lost touch probably within the last 11 years.

Prior to this message, I found another old work chum on that same social networking site. She and I had formed a strong friendship over a period of several years. She ended up moving to another state and then so did I. When I did find her and we reconnected, I was excited that I had my old friend back.

Now that I've moved into adulthood and met new people, I recently started thinking about the people who are in my life for no particular reason. We may share texts, or emails, or maybe even a lunch or dinner together. But they're not really a friend that I'd count on if I ever needed anything, or vice versa. So what do I do with these people?

I slowly began to realize that I needed to start weeding out the people that are not essential to my life. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I am only getting rid of people that don't benefit ME somehow. It's mutual really. An example would be men who I dated before. I have a boyfriend, who I'm content with. They have wives or girlfriends, or maybe not, and at this point it's just not appropriate for us to be sending frivolous texts, emails or having meals together. Some are people who I knew in passing when I saw said men and when I do speak with them, it's about events in my past that I'm more than happy to leave in my past. Catch my drift here?

As I thought about these things, and made the decision to weed out certain individuals, I got a call from none other than my ex-husband. Turns out he and his girlfriend were having issues in their relationship and he wanted to talk to me about them. I'm not sure why folks. We were married for over 17 years but the marriage didn't end well and I realized he was a perfect candidate for being weeded out. I had no desire to talk to him about anything at all, much less his relationship problems.

I don't know what made him think it was appropriate for him to consult me, so I can only assume that maybe *I* made him think that. I put an end to it. I asked him to stop calling me, and more importantly, I asked him not to bring me up in any conversations he had with his girlfriend. We have both moved on to other relationships and relying on each other for anything is not necessary. Some of you may think that because he spent so much time with me, he felt that he could count on me to tell him the truth, or understand where he was coming from. Well, that's true. And because he can count on me to tell him the truth, I told him I didn't want him in my life anymore, nor did I want to be in his life. This wasn't easy for me. There was a time when we had been in love, worked out problems together, and consulted each other on major life decisions. But we had grown up, he had become an addict, and it changed everything between us. Where there was once trust and love, there was now suspicion and disdain.

This first weed-pull was especially hard. It forced me to see my life as it is now, as opposed to how it was just three years ago. Moving forward requires logical thinking with little to no emotional consideration. It's a whole new world for me. One weed down, so many more to go.